🥅 Feedback is a delicate task of expressing your feelings and not their motivations.
Thoughts
Short essay that reveals the importance of expressing what you can control
Notes
The article is short and sweet. Feedback is an important tool in professional careers but the method of providing feedback can be skewed. "Staying on your side of the net" is the idea that as the feedback provider, you don't assume the motivations and intentions of the other. Sticking to what you feel is not debatable while assuming their motivations are.
The following are examples of crossing the net, where you are assuming the other person's intentions, things that are debatable.
Crossing the net:
Stating your interpretations as facts: “You just don’t care anymore.”
Stating their intentions: “You’re trying to get on my nerves.”
Stating their feelings: “You’re frustrated about this project.”
Stating their observations: “You obviously realize you’re the only one leaving before 8pm.”
The following are examples of staying on your side of the net, where they are about your feelings.
Staying on your side of the net:
Stating your thoughts as thoughts (not facts): “I’ve noticed you’ve been coming in later and leaving earlier, and it makes me wonder if you’re less engaged.”
Expressing your own feelings: “I’m frustrated that you’ve been coming in later and leaving earlier, and worried about your level of engagement.”
Stating your intentions: “I’d like to make sure you’re fully engaged.”
Directly stating your observations: “I’ve noticed that you used to come in at 9:00am and leave at 8:00pm, and lately you’ve been coming in at 10:00am and leaving at 7:00pm.”
